I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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