My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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