I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
