So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
