There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
