Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Randomize
