I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
