ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
time to smoke my breakfast
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Randomize
