What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
