After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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