I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
