I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I just forgot I was standing up.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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