yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
