Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
