I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
