My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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