Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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