she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
