We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
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I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
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Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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