honey bunches of taint.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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