tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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