Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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