Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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