i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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