I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
