You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
