My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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