i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
