Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
