You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize