Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize