Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
