Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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