I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
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