I just made out with a guy for $7.
I look better un-naked...
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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