Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
