You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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