Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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