the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
