I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
