he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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