Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
