so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
