so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
