The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I don't deserve a penis
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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