I showed him my bush... on skype.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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