What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
