NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
