with your own penis?
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
