Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize