And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
