she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
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She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
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Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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