Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
