ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
