Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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