I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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