You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
