cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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