Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
