Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
