I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
