i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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